Jay Jay The Banay-nay

Jay Jay the Banay-nay lay chill in his Moroccan patterned fruit bowl. Chin’ chillin’ with his buddies Jay Jay was the life and soul of the party. The apples bobbed with laughter at Jay Jay’s jokes while the grapes guffawed – boring bastards – and the oranges danced out of their skin to his beatz. Every bowl of fruit is brought to life with a Banay-nay. Jay Jay took full advantage of his stature in the fruit world, taking favours from passing compadres and taxing those who stayed for longer as if the bowl were his personal hotel. Continue reading

Birds Are Stupid

Pine Cones whizzed past a startled flock of buzzards, scattering their family across the sky. Wearing a worn Manchester United shirt combined with last season’s blue away shorts, Eddie had been throwing pine cones at birds for the last hour. Continue reading


The light had gone out. Despite G’s best efforts, the click of the spark created no fire above his polished metal fire starter. Twisting it about in his clammed up hands G cursed the gift he had received on the anniversary of the opening of his paraphernalia shop whilst examining the Gothic collection of gargolic heads that adorned it. Giving up on his cigarette, he retreated back into his final stand. The shop was based in a run down shack in the rough part of town. Delinquents on tiny bikes, always with fat tyres, frequented the footpath close by, gathering to cause adolescent anarchy for everybody else. Continue reading

Frank & Furter

Frank blustered through the gilded revolving doors that led to his temporary New York accommodation. He hated this city, and its vulgarity was pronounced that much more this morning. His tongue still burned from the volcanic coffee he was served over breakfast, although the pain distracted him from what he had to face today. Frank & Furter, the gourmet hot-dog joint he had opened with his German cousin, was due to undergo its IPO on the New York Stock Exchange. It was time to break into the money. Continue reading