Defense Rations

I'm addicted
                                                  to doing nothing
or flushing my life away into the plastic ocean                   to swim with cigarette ends
                                                                                                                                         and endless bottle caps
and a corked archipelago
stained the colour of ethanol blood
                                                                                  all the while telling myself                     that it'll work out
living your dreams in your imagination               
                                                                                                                                is ok
when it's as vivid as mine
                                                                                                                                                             or yours.

                                                                                   I once read
that Einstein worked 4 hours                                                                                            a day
                                                      and he was a frizzy geinus
        so why shouldn't that be true
of me                                                                                                                                                     or you
           i ask myself
                                                                                    though i know i know sure, i know
it's all conciliatory lies
                                           comforting shameful delusionary conciliatory lies
                                                                                                                                and yet it still remains
the rational defense of a lazy beanpole
                                                                 trapped for a quarter century
                                                                                                 in what if's and drowning imaginary possibilities
and christ       
                               what if you actually make it?

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